Tuesday, April 26, 2011


This evening I went to a baby shower for a friend of mine.  I love parties...  especially ones where babies are the center.

I ran some games.  I laughed, I told stories, I ate deliciousness...

But I was sad the whole time.

I really thought after my latest plumbing cleaning surgery a couple months ago, and with Hailey and Katie being tweenagers (she doesn't turn 13 until next month....) I was ready to be done...  let go...

Not so much.

What am I thinking?  I don't need a baby.  I have two beautiful daughters, two nieces and a nephew, and let's be honest, if I haven't adopted your kid, it's only because you are too far away on a regular basis.  I am grateful for these wonderful little people.  The I listen to my friend read that card that says that babies fill a hole inside you you never knew you had... and I feel it - the hole.

After my last surgery, my doctor and I had the big talk about permanent solutions.  He is so wise.  He said I wasn't allowed to make that decision for another 6 months.  I told him I was sure...  He made me wait anyway.  Now look at me.

Gotta hand it to my husband though..  When I told him about the visit with the doc, and that we needed to talk permanence, he said "We aren't done cause you aren't done."  How does he know me so well?  I had even convinced myself.

I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you, dear reader.  You know me too...

Should I come to steal your sweet little baby, please let me do so temporarily.  I'm sure this is a phase I will get through soon (darn hypothalamus).